After Everything Broke by Me!

As I stepped outside I urged myself to run. I would have left to see the world, every last inch of it. I would have gone, if I could but instead I just stood there willing my feet to move. The cold, frosty grass glued my feet in place, as the crisp morning breeze called to me to go further. I thought about how everyone at one point in their life must want to run away, maybe not as much as I did, maybe just far enough to know they’re safely away from anything burdening them.

I dreamt of running as far as my feet could take me. I planned to go far enough that no one here in my small town would ever be able to find me. I wanted to run and only stop when there was absolutely no hope of ever returning. I wanted to go, I wished with everything I had that I could go, and part of me needed to go, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave.

I was going to run far far away, to get away from the stuff I constantly had to deal with, and away from all my pain and troubles. I would have ran to a place where I could have been me and no one would want to change who I was. I would go far enough away thatπ eventually they'd all forget who I was, and no longer care about the things I did. I couldn’t help but think that everything would be better if I ran. No longer would I hurt the people I loved, and it would make it easier for all of them to move on. Eventually, I hoped, they would only remember the bad things I did and they would learn to hate me. No one would miss me, I was almost sure of that. Running away sounded so good.

I was going to run away as far as I could… until I 

realized that if I did, then I'd lose you, and that is something that I never could do. So please forgive me for the events I have caused, and help me fix everything broken. I can’t do it on my own.